a difficult evening

i decided last week when we set the date of the wedding to order some "save the date" announcements. to stick with the independence day theme, i ordered some cards with the red, white, blue colors with the statement..."the sparks will fly on the 7th of july, 2007" and the date and time mentioned. they turned out really cute, the only hitch is that i have to wait until around december to mail them. damn!
on a more serious note, one of my good friends who also happens to be one of my bosses, was dx'd with pancreatic ca with liver mets 4 weeks ago. as a former oncology nurse i know the reality of this dx. the median survival rate is 3 -6 mos....which is mostly an optimistic number. this disease is so pervasive and is typically dx'd at such a late stage. there is no screening test (even with a familial hx) hence the reality of death happening so quickly. pancreatic cancer typically doesn't respond to chemo or radiation. there is a new drug Gemcytibine that can help slow the disease progression. anyway, we went and visited tom tonight and took him a save the date card. it was so bittersweet...i pray he will be still here next july, but the odds are not in his favor. his face lit up when he saw the card and he asked if he could have the first dance with me. it was hard not to cry....i hugged and kissed him and said of course i would save the first dance for him. i hate fucking cancer....and i wish sometimes that i was totally ignorant of how this disease progresses and the dismal results most folks receive from surgery/chemo. i know, i know...it's really better odds and stats than what i'm projecting now, but i'm just so pissed about how the people i love seem to die rather than survive!!! sorry to be such a downer, but tonight was really tough to handle, no matter how many times i go thru it! and actually i shouldn't use "i"because the reality of it is, it's much tougher on families and the sick person. well, as the saying goes, tomorrow is another day and with it brings the promise of healing and health!